Wildflower

From the moment I decided to share my journey with you, I set the intention to do it honestly and authentically. I did not think it would be so hard. Maybe I was naïve into thinking it would be more about the struggle to find the next place to rest my head over all that is coming up now… the internal quest within myself.

I find myself experiencing completely new aspects of myself while planning such a massive adventure because you get thrown in so many foreign situations. And, oh dear, this is “just” the preparation phase; I am not even out there on the road yet. I can tell you though my quest has already started. I’m discovering a variety of my own insecurities and fears at the moment. Things many of us may deal with on a regular basis and pay little attention to are surfacing. Matters that may not even be worth writing about… they are! I think it’s these small and unattended fears, which compress our character and stop us from living up to our full potential. So here I am, exposing myself and sharing each little step of my adventure with you… the inner and out one.

Over one year ago I deactivated my Facebook. I have been living far away from home for the past five years and Facebook was a comfortable and easy way to stay in touch with my friends in the distance. I came to realise, that I filtered what I shared and created an image about my overseas life that muffled the truth and wasn’t the true reality within. Gorgeous photos of my environment or simply of the coffee cup in the sunshine, do not illustrate the thoughts in your mind and feelings in your heart that you are dealing with. While sipping on this coffee, much stayed hidden by choice, but as result I have created a social-media-me, which, although real, wasn’t the whole truth. I wonder if that’s exactly what we do with our lives; create half-truths and images about ourselves for others. In the western world we feel forced to only share our golden side, in order to be loved and accepted, to fit in and to sell ourselves successfully in our jobs and businesses, to the opposite sex and in social situations.

I had many meetings in the last few weeks to discuss photo sessions, filming for TMQ, was invited to drag race and to have a group of gorgeous women ride with me for a few days. Others keep swamping me with ideas for The Moto Quest, which I highly appreciate, but it seems many of them are geared towards the “sexy and cool” image of a girl on a motorbike. Some of the concepts I really love, but experienced sudden anxiety about them. There are some tempting offers that would create great exposure and marketing, but I had to step back and listen to who I really am. I am not that girl riding a motorbike in a bikini being all spicy in hopes that the photo will go viral over the web. My English isn’t perfect, my body isn’t and my life isn’t perfect either.

“C’mon Miss motorcycle, show us!!” Yesterday I found myself in a situation where I felt intimidated by the expectation of others. The feeling of not being as good, hot, cool or what so ever – maybe the feeling of others witnessing me fail. I was tempted to prove myself, but was then even prouder, that I stepped back. Everything I do on this journey, I want to do for the right reason and that’s surely not to receive applause or prove anything to anyone but to myself.

I have received a wonderful email from a stranger last night, who addressed me as “wildflower” and wow, what a wonderful synonym it was for how I felt.
It is not only a beautiful picture for a free spirit uncultivated by the mainstream that grows freely without social interference and the world’s conformity; it also represents the beauty of humbleness perfectly. Let wildlife be your master and medicine! We can always look up to nature to understand about life itself.

Wildflower

 

 

6 thoughts on “Wildflower

  1. Thanks for sharing this. It’s easy to follow along with you because you aren’t trying to be anything but yourself. Your honesty is refreshing, as is your refusal to sell yourself. Keep it up! Let us know if you need help along the way.

  2. Hey Wildflower! You write better English than many “English-speaking” people I know. Well done!

    Good for you for being honest about who you are. I, too, battle with this transparency business and how we hide behind a mask in order to show a face which we feel that the world finds acceptable.

    You might find that you can agree with what I posted in my blog a while ago. It’s at
    http://makwerhusmusings.weebly.com/1/category/canio/1.html

    I hope all goes well with your preparations. As a biker (I ride a BMW F650GS), I envy you. So far I have only done a few 4000 – 5000km trips around South Africa. I’m planning to go to Namibia and Botswana in June.

    Travel safely!

    Kevin

  3. We don’t know your whole story yet but I think I understand the need for a self discovery mission like the one you are embarking on. I have read a story of discovery and healing before as written by Neil Peart, drummer for the band “Rush” and one of his many books is called Ghost Rider. Aptly named that because he had become a Ghost of the person he previously was because of a double tragedy in his life, first with the passing of his daughter and then quickly afterward, his wife. I felt his pain.

    Your loss has been somewhat different as far we know but it has the same roots I believe in how it changes us and requires inner reflection and soul searching to set a new course back to a fulfilling and worthy life. We need a rebuilding period to repair ourselves and why not on a motorcycle touring with only your personal thoughts as you pilot your way through your quest.

    If you have the time read his book and if you make it into the Los Angeles area see if you can’t make contact. He is an incredible lyricist and writer with many insights and like you doesn’t pursue the limelight, no pun intended, for his efforts. I believe his openness in literature is healing his soul. He avoids the spotlight and guards his privacy well. He could be the kindred spirit and mentor who may help you fulfil your goals. He has helped to mend mine by understanding his more than once.

  4. You will not be packaged and sold or defined by others. You are a real woman on a real adventure and there is a whole community with you in spirit everyday. And for me, your post made me feel proud of you:).

    When I was a boy I had piano lessons. The most memorable lesson wasn’t on the piano but something my teacher said to me. “Don’t b’Sharp, dont b’Flat, just b’Natural”. Your story reminded me of that.

    Enjoy every moment.

    Tom

  5. Your honesty & authenticity paired with modesty is one of many reasons why I really burn to follow you & your journey, Aileen. Although it sounds cheese….but even wildflowers have to grow through dirt, to rise & shine :-]

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